/ it’s okay to not be okay \

My wrist is healing slowly but surely, though definitely not as quickly as the surgeon had expected. He said it was a two week recovery, but with EDS your body takes much longer to heal. Pain is still there, but swelling has decreased. My range of motion is pretty limited, but getting better every day.

Truthfully though, I’m pretty sad and feeling defeated. I think appropriately so. Recovery takes patience, grace, and adaptation. I’m restless. I want to get back to my life. I want to be able to go for hikes and play with my kids without caution. I want to get rid of the guilt I have for not being able to show up for my family as I want to. Intellectually I know this is not my fault, but guilt doesn’t really care how you feel intellectually. I wish I could internalize all that I know intellectually, but it’s a process and I’m well along in my journey.

I’m actually grateful for these feelings though- for my ability to internalize and articulate grief and sadness. In the past, I’ve disassociated from many of my emotion following my health challenges. I’ve discounted and dismissed myself using the phrase “We all have our burdens to bare, this is mine.” Or “Someone somewhere always has it worse.” I couldn’t connect with myself. I couldn’t mourn my old life as my capacities and abilities changed. I was called resilient and strong because I seemed unfettered by my health challenges. I do believe I am resilient and strong, but I don’t believe that is embodied by an outward presentation of happiness and/or stoicism. Strength and resiliency can be present in the face of sadness, struggle, and depression too.

Accessing grief and depression is hard for me, and so when I finally get there, it’s almost like an accomplishment. Here I am! I made it! I want to lean into the discomfort because it’s authentic, it’s appropriate, it’s healthy.

If your loved ones are going through something challenging, try and meet them where they are at. Don’t make them feel like they are failing if they aren’t chipper. Don’t tell them “everything happens for a reason.” Just show up, sit beside them, and join them in wherever they are in their journey 🖤

#FAI #hipimpingement #emotionalhealth #ganglioncysts #wristsurgery #EDS

#ehlersdanlossyndrome #POTS #MCAS #mastcellactivationsyndrome #CCI #craniocervicalinstability#dysautonomia #hashimotos #chronicillness #spoonies #alopecia #alopeciauniversalis #thespooniesisterhood #kidsandchronicillness #chronicillnesswarrior #chronicfatiguesyndrome #CFS #chiarimalformation #butyoudontlooksick #invisibleillness #chronicpainawareness #chronicpain #buildabridge

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